I’ve been reading a fascinating book called Unmasking Autism by Devon Price which is probably my 2nd favorite autism-related book of all time, and I’ve read a few. (I would still say Everyday Aspergers by Samantha Craft is my #1 favorite, but in terms of how useful and helpful it would be for non-autistic people to read, this book probably even exceeds that one.) The primary subject of the book is people with autism who mask. The author talks about his own experiences with autism and how people with autism learn from an early age that their behavior may not always be acceptable in public, so they find ways to cover it up. Ways to make sure that other people are pleased all times and no drama is started. Ways to get by without causing a disturbance. But unfortunately, sometimes, ways to cover up their own personality and special gifts.
I’ve told friends that I am reading this book more slowly than I usually read books because it’s like looking into a mirror and seeing why I am motivated to do things the way I do. Last week in particular, I came home from a night out regretting one thing I had done, and then opened the book and the section of the book I happened to be on discussed exactly why I did it. That can be pretty unnerving, but it’s important. However, I also read about a couple of studies that really blew me away. To excerpt the book:
“One study, conducted by Bastiaansen and colleagues (2011), observed that though young autistic people experienced far less activity than allistics in the inferior frontal gyrus (an area of the frontal lobe involved in interpreting facial expressions), by age thirty no differences between non-Autistics and Autistic people were evident. In other words, Autistic brains eventually “caught up” to neurotypical brains, in terms of how actively they processed and interpreted facial expressions as social data.”
This is huge! I’ve always heard that autistic brains took longer to mature than neurotypical brains, which meant that they stopped maturing later, but now this (and a few other studies that the book mentions) are being done that verify that exact thing. Assuming all these things are true, suddenly a few things from my own life came into focus.
2022 is probably the most social year I had in my life, and 2023 is shaping up to be even more so. As I try and take advantage of all the opportunities I have now that the pandemic is over and I am well established in Chattanooga, I have noticed that I often still question my own judgment. When I was in college, I went through a number of difficult experiences that caused me to lose friends, have to move out of my freshman dorm in the middle of the year, and other difficult events. After I graduated, I simply didn’t have a lot of opportunities to socialize with adults my own age for a few years, for a variety of reasons, including social anxiety. However, every time I did it came down to the same questions. “Now remember, even if you think it’s going well, it might not be.” “Remember, you can’t take subtle hints at all, so to be sure to overanalyze everyone’s reactions to everything just right until you’re absolutely sure they dislike you.” It could be quite difficult. However, I’ve found as time has gone by, my judgment has been correct more and more. And now I have a literal biological explanation for that. My brain simply wasn’t fully developed yet at age eighteen, simple as that. But it “caught up”, or at least it “caught up” enough to where I could function in society without serious problems, so no wonder things are going better for me now. Mind blown, as you might imagine.
Obviously, my autism hasn’t gone completely away, nor will it ever. But in hindsight, it might have been encouraging to 18-year-old me that all I had to do was be patient. My 30’s have been the finest time of my life, and I’m getting to make up for a lot of time I lost in my 20’s. It’s been great. 18-year-old me who thought these problems he had would linger on forever could have used that.
The implications are wider reaching for society as well. Too often, autism can be treated like a terminal illness or death sentence by parents when their child is diagnosed with it. It’s definitely a difficult road. But if we keep doing these studies, and determine that it’s a delay, and a slower road, but still a road that reaches the destination, and if people keep working at things eventually they’ll get where they want to go, that’s what’s really important. I definitely know I function better when I have something to hope for. While obviously knowing “oh, you’ll be socially mature enough to handle this in a few years” still wouldn’t have solved a lot of my college problems, it would have at least calmed me down into the mindset of taking my life one year at a time rather than assuming things would be difficult forever. I hope the same can be true for other people with autism as we continue to do these studies and learn more about the way our brains work. And the more hopeful and knowledgeable we are about the future, the more successful we can be.
uniqueperspective7 